


Don't Let Me Go

by yuichi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Consensual Underage Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, M/M, Murder, One Shot, Physical Abuse, Swearing, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23552365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuichi/pseuds/yuichi
Summary: “Ten?”“Find your happy place.”“Tell me where you are so I can be there with you.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	Don't Let Me Go

“Jae?”

“Yes?”

“Could you come over, please?”

“…sure.”

They hang up. Ten clutches the phone to his chest, trying to stop his fingers from trembling. The room around him is spinning, over and over and _over_ again. It makes him feel nauseous.

A knock on the window feels like a punch back to reality. Jaehyun is waving from the other side of the glass, soft smile embraced by the dimples. For a moment, Ten simply stares at his best friend. And just when Jaehyun is about to knock again, his smile wavering, Ten pushes himself off the floor. He manages a few wobbly steps and opens the window. Jaehyun slips in and leaves it open.

“Hey…”

Ten can hear the warmth in his deep voice, the honey-glazed baritone slipping inside his mind. He feels like he can breathe again.

Jaehyun stays silent as he steps closer and runs his fingers through Ten’s hair. He feels the other relax into the touch, notices him closing his eyes.

It’s like the legs give out on him, unable to support his weight anymore. He comes crashing down against Jaehyun’s chest like he’d been thrown from the highest cliff. He’s caught, though, and enfolded into arms.

He doesn’t remember when he began crying. All he knows is that the left side of Jaehyun’s sweater is soaked, his own lips tasting salty.

Jaehyun doesn’t let go. He keeps him close, one hand playing with his hair while the other rests on the small of his back. When Ten pulls away, he refuses to look up. Furiously wiping at his face, he stares at the floor like it has all the answers. Jaehyun doesn’t push him.

They sit on Ten’s bed, small distance between them. Ten’s controlling his breathing, eyes red and puffy. But no one would notice it in the dimness of the room anyway.

“Do you… uhm…?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun silently pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He offers them to Ten, who pulls one out and hurriedly gets up to find a lighter. Jaehyun watches him as he searches through the drawers and stumbles to window to light it up.

He sucks on it greedily, the tip screaming in orange. He holds his breath for a moment, before exhaling slowly through both mouth and nose. Jaehyun keeps silent as he sits on the bed, observing the boy doing his best not to fall apart again.

When the cigarette is almost gone, he puts it out against the wall outside, flicks it onto the streets below. He shuts the window tight, fingers trembling less than before. As he turns around, he sees Jaehyun watching him. He feels small under his gaze, judged even.

“What?”

“Come here.”

Ten obeys, taking small steps to the other. Jaehyun encircles his waist and presses his face against his stomach. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of smoke and lavender softener of his hoodie.

“Jaehyun…”

He looks up, fresh tears forming in Ten’s eyes. Smiling softly, he slips one hand from his waist to capture Ten’s hand. He laces their fingers together, keeps him present.

Ten bites his bottom lip to stop it from quivering. He eases himself onto Jaehyun’s lap and wraps both arms around his neck. He gets pulled closer, palms rubbing soothing circles into his back. When Jaehyun’s palms crawl higher, fingers grazing over the ribs, Ten flinches.

Jaehyun stops and looks up at him. His hands slip away, resting on the bed. Ten turns stiff, self-conscious and unsure if he should get off.

“I’m sorry…”

“Does it hurt?”

Ten keeps mum and slips off, wrapping arms around himself in a protective manner. He makes his way to the closet and pushes his back against it, the furthest place from Jaehyun.

“Did he hurt you again?”

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he slides down until he can curl into an invisible ball on the wooden flooring. The surface is cold and hard, the reality of the world creeping underneath his clothes. Its snake tongue licks at his skin, sharp fangs gnaw at his raw bones.

It’s when he calms down does it all return. New bruises pulsing against his ribcage, cuts hidden under the hoodie burning into the porcelain skin. It makes him wheeze, makes his head spin once more. A small whimper escapes shaky lips, a cry for help no one in the dark can hear.

Except Jaehyun does.

He walks to his side, sits on the floor in front of him and tugs on his arms. He’s waiting for him to open up, share the warmth and scream the pain away. However, Ten keeps them firmly wrapped around himself. He’s locked up in his little bubble where no one can touch him, no one can hurt him. Jaehyun keeps on prying, entwining fingers and kissing the top of his head. He hates seeing him like this, rocking back and forth in search of comfort.

“I’m right here, Ten.”

Not a sound comes. Neither of approval, nor disapproval. Just simple sways of his body, the only indication he’s still alive.

In the end, Jaehyun wraps him into a strong embrace. He keeps his head on top of his, wraps legs around his small frame. He hides him from the world as the warmth finds its way in, ice melting and coldness slithering away.

Ten’s heart feels full. So full he thinks it might burst. But it’s not of love, of happiness. It’s the anger that makes its home inside. He likes to imagine if he screams loud enough, long enough, it would abandon him and search a new place to inhibit. Yet, he’s never tried it.

“Don’t keep it inside…”

Jaehyun’s voice is as smooth as silk blouse against bare skin.

“It’ll eat you up…”

It’s as soft as a cloud, warm like the sun.

“Talk to me.”

He knows Ten won’t say anything. He knows he’ll remain silent in his cocoon. So he tugs again, pries at his arms and kisses his temple. His breath slips down Ten’s neck, crawls inside the hoodie and warms his chest.

It’s a split second of negligence, but Jaehyun doesn’t miss it. The moment Ten’s grip around himself loosens, he pulls his arms away and gets between them before they close again.

Ten hugs him. He’s trembling against him like the temperature in the room is below zero. Jaehyun pushes them on the floor and lies in his embrace, touches his cheek and searches for his gaze. Ten’s eyes are firmly shut, though, seeing black spots behind the eyelids.

“Ten?”

_Silence._

“Find your happy place.”

_Silence._

“Tell me where you are so I can be there with you.”

_Gasp._

“You know I’m always with you.”

“It’s cold…”

“Where you are now?”

“Yeah…”

“Let’s go someplace warm, hmm?”

“Okay…”

“Let’s go to the beach…”

“Mmhmm…”

“It’s sunny and the sand is warm.”

“Hmm…”

“We’re building a fortress out of sand. It’s going to be so sturdy that no waves or wind can bring it down.”

“With seashells…”

“And beer caps.”

_Chuckle._

“And big flags with our names on them so everyone knows it’s our fortress.”

“Yeah…”

“Is it still cold?”

“A little…”

“Come here…”

~*~

“Feels good, baby?”

“Mmhmm…”

“It feels great for me.”

He thrusts hungrily, skin slapping against skin echoing through the bedroom. Ten hears him grunt above him, feels his sweaty chest pressing against his back when he leans down to kiss his shoulder. His hands give in and he drops face-first onto the mattress, whimpering when his lover slips out of him. It earns him a spank before he rams into him again, the bed creaking under their weight.

It’s rough and he feels like his lower part of the body is on fire. But it’s okay because Ten doesn’t know any other feeling. It’s okay because his lover is enjoying himself, which means Ten should enjoy it too. So he fakes a moan or two, but the hisses and cries are honest. His lover relishes in them, pushing deeper and harder until he hears more sounds slipping past Ten’s lips.

He knows he’s close when the pace gets erratic, when hips begin snapping with no control. He can only hope he magically reaches the climax before his lover does.

Except he doesn’t, and he feels the hot cum painting the walls of his insides. He makes a face, disgusted with himself, yet thankful the man cannot see him.

He lies on top of him, pins him against the mattress so hard Ten can barely breathe. Sucking on the soft skin of his neck, he continues moving his hips. Exaggerated moans push past his lips, vibrating against Ten’s skin.

Ten wonders why he cannot feel it like his lover does. It bothers him to no end that he’s unable to please him in every single way. Because when the man finally pulls out, the first thing that he does is flip Ten on his back and check his member. A deep frown carves into his face, twisting into an angry scowl when he looks at Ten. On the other hand, Ten keeps his gaze away, looking anywhere but at him.

“You didn’t cum again?”

There’s no need for an answer. Ten still gives him one.

“No.”

“The fuck is wrong with you?!”

He flinches when he hears him shout, arms automatically moving to shield his face. The man is too smart, though, and Ten knows he’ll never hit him someplace visible. At least not with the force that might leave a mark. Therefore, he blows a punch into his stomach. It leaves him gasping for air, trying to curl up but unable to as the man is still very much above him.

“Am I not good for you?”

One more to his side, this one burning more than pulsating.

“Do others fuck you better than me, slut?!”

“There’s no one else…”

He tries, knowing it’s in vain. It only earns him a slap against the cheek. This one burns too, from both shame and inflicted pain.

“Liar! I know you sleep around!”

“I don’t, I swear you’re my only one!”

“Liar!”

When he’s finally done with him, he gets off him. He pulls on his sweats and a shirt, lights up a cigarette. Ten manages to sit up, body ablaze and numb at the same time. He tugs his jeans back on, reaches for the hoodie with trembling fingers. His gaze shifts to the cigarette, desperate for any kind of comfort. The man gives him that, though. He hands it over silently and Ten takes in hungry sucks.

“If only you’d suck my dick like that.”

The man snorts and watches as Ten’s lips curl around the butt of the cigarette. He smirks when Ten pulls away. The shame is etched on his beautiful features.

“What’s your problem? Don’t you love me?”

“I do, I do love you…”

“But?”

Ten remains silent, taking in another drag before giving it back. It soothed his mind, if only for a moment.

“I’m sorry…”

His lover clicks his tongue in distaste and points at the door. Ten takes it as a sign to leave. He pulls the hoodie over his head and makes his way out, not letting him witness the damage he’d caused. It’s only when he closes the door of his bedroom that he lets out a hiss, searing pain shooting through his spine. He leans against the wall, focusing on breathing and collecting his strength so he can walk across the street to his house.

Long fingers wrap around his wrist. They’re warm, but the metal rings decorating them provide the perfect contrast. Ten’s eyes close as he lets himself be pulled away. When he opens them again, Jaehyun is glaring at him.

“Why did you return?”

“Why not?”

“Ten…”

It’s Ten’s time to glare now. His eyebrows furrow, lips form a thin line. It only makes Jaehyun’s expression melt away.

“I love him, okay?”

“No, you don’t.”

“What the hell, Jae? Of course I love him!”

“You don’t, and you know it.”

Ten keeps his frown, ready to fight if it proves he’s right.

“My brother treats you like you’re nothing more than a bag of dirt, and yet you still return to him. Why?”

“He loves me, okay?!”

Jaehyun snorts and crosses arms over his chest. He stopped counting the times they’ve had this conversation. Ten is the most brilliant man he knows, yet sometimes he acts like he can’t put two and two together.

“He loves me…”

It comes in a whisper, voice uncertain and Jaehyun wonders if he’s trying to prove it to himself more than him. Ten’s gaze is sliding across the flooring as if he’s searching for something. His fingers are fumbling with the hem of his hoodie.

“He cheats on you…”

Ten shakes his head in refusal.

“You know he does…”

“No…”

“With whoever shows him attention.”

“You’re lying…”

“Ten, please…”

He turns around abruptly, pain increasing with each step he takes towards the door. But Jaehyun is faster. He presses his palm against the door, right above Ten’s head. When he tries to open it, he cannot. He grabs the doorknob with both hands and tugs, tears stinging his eyes.

Jaehyun wraps his free arm around his waist, his chest pressed against the crumbling boy’s back. When Ten’s fingers slip from the doorknob and fall to his sides, Jaehyun scoops him up into his arms and carries him to the bed. Ten’s hoodie rolls up when he curls into his side, purple marks appearing against milky skin of his waist. Jaehyun takes the liberty to slide the clothing farther up, revealing fingerprint marks.

“A man who loves you… would never _ever_ do something like this…”

Ten feels the soft whisper against his ear. A small shiver runs down his spine and he fists Jaehyun’s shirt into his palms, looking up as tears roll down. Jaehyun caresses the bruises, warms his skin.

“He will hurt you if he sees us now…”

“I don’t care.”

Ten buries his face into his chest, sobbing silently. Jaehyun pulls the sweater back down and keeps him close, hating that he cannot take the pain away. So he lets him cry, providing a safe haven for the boy in need. He rubs his back, plays with his hair and kisses the top of his head whenever Ten lets out a louder whimper.

When he finally calms down, he refuses to allow Jaehyun to look at him. He pulls the hood above his head and ties the strings, so it doesn’t slip off. He wipes his face into the sleeve and turns on the other side, getting off the bed.

“I need to go now…”

Jaehyun sits up, disliking the lack of warmth.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“No. I’m fine.”

Ten doesn’t leave room for argument. He hurries as best as he can outside, making sure his lover doesn’t spot him. He walks across the street and hurries up the stairs. His mother calls him for dinner, but he answers he isn’t hungry.

He heads straight for the shower, scrubs the scent of his lover off his body. Once done, he wraps a white bathrobe around himself. He slips into his room, locks the door and turns on the table light. Cushions form a miniature tower on the chair he sits on, fingers scrambling for the first drawer.

Perhaps his parents won’t notice the scent downstairs. Perhaps they will. But Ten rolls himself a joint and opens the window when he lights it up. He pulls out a crisp paper and a pencil. Nothing comes to his mind, focused solely on sucking the life through the spliff. The ideas start flooding his senses, and he gets lost in the world where he can be true to himself.

Jaehyun sits by his desk, absently scribbling on the chemistry homework due for tomorrow. Screams and moans are hitting against the walls of his bedroom. But he put on music so it’s okay. He looked up so it’s okay.

He barely manages through another problem, frowning when he fucks up the calculations and needs to start again. And when it’s all too much, he supports his chin in palm and glances across the street.

Everything is dark. Everything except one window across his. Behind it is a boy in a white bathrobe and black hair, joint between his lips and pencil in one hand. Small frown is drawn over his forehead and between his eyebrows, and Jaehyun knows he’s immersed in his own little world. Occasionally, he sits up straighter and pulls the joint from his mouth. He rests it between his long fingers as pink tongue parts soft lips. It makes Jaehyun smile, makes his heart miss a beat. But he quickly retrieves it inside his cavity, spliff sealing the entrance as he focuses on the task. Jaehyun can only hope he’ll be lucky enough to witness his artwork.

~*~

Ten wakes up covered in sweat. His heart is beating wildly, as if it’s trying to rip a hole in his chest and run away. He places a palm over it, counts to fifty until his breathing stabilises. The phone tells him it’s still an obscure hour at night, so he crawls back under the covers, distracting his mind with numbers again.

A knock against glass has him jumping up in the bed. Jaehyun is smiling sheepishly, waving his hand like an innocent schoolboy. Ten calms his upset heart again and wobbles to open the window.

“Did I scare you?”

“Shitless.”

“Sorry…”

He helps him inside and heads back to the bed. Jaehyun kicks his shoes off, drops jacket on the floor. He crawls under the covers with him, hugs him close and hides his face in the crook of Ten’s neck.

“Did something happen?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Ten smells like freshly bloomed peach flowers on a cool spring day. He takes in a deep breath, allows the aroma to fill his senses, numb the pain.

“Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?”

However, he doesn’t get a response. Ten is already fast asleep. Jaehyun takes the opportunity to watch his best friend closely. His eyes are moving behind closed eyelids, lips gently parted as warm breath escapes them. He carefully removes a fringe from his forehead and Ten turns towards him. Jaehyun freezes and stares at his lips. He’s so close, too close, and Jaehyun wants nothing more but to end the distance. He’s never seen lips more beautiful than his.

“Ten? Are you asleep?”

_Silence._

“Ten?”

_Silence._

“I did it…”

A soft whimper leaves Ten’s lips as he curls against Jaehyun’s chest.

“You’re free now…”

Jaehyun rests his head on top of Ten’s, smiling to himself as he feels the warm breath crawling inside his shirt.

“You can love whoever you want now.”

His eyes close, heartbeat slowing down. His whisper falls on deaf ears.

“I killed him for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this happened...  
> If you have any questions, comments or anything, don't hesitate to share ^^ I love to hear/see what you guys think. Also, if you think more warnings should be added, please do tell, as I struggled how to tag this welp
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! 💚
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/yuichi31664032)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/yuichi31664032)


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